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I’ve run out of things to aim myself towards, before now I’d been pointing myself in the direction of a Christmas fair, a workshop, a set of prints, various markers in my diary and then, I realised, oh dear, nothing much. OK, so I’ve got another workshop on the horizon but that’s not until the summer and there’s Somerset Open Studios, but that’s not until September! There’s a distinct lack of, how do you say, …focus, about my practice currently.
I had thought I would get some more fairs booked into my diary to help structure my year but the first one I applied for said that my work wasn’t right because they only invite makers who use wood as their main material, damn. And then the second one was already fully booked with makers for 2025, but they were kind and said they would add my name to a backup list in case of cancellations and I would be contacted in good time to apply for 2026. My bad, I could have anticipated that the quality events would be booked up well in advance.
Then I had a few (fun) days away with a group of people I’d never met before and so underwent the, ‘what do you do’ questions, which I felt well prepared for and usually enjoy as I like talking about my practice, but I stumbled this time as I got a couple of, ‘oh wow, an illustrator, what kind of thing? have you done anything I’d recognise?’ – queue awkward fast talking and a feeling of undeniable failure – hello impostor syndrome, not so nice to see you again.
It’s all about structure for me, planning and structuring my time is essential for clarity of thought and motivation, so it’s simple really, make a plan, get things booked in, go and see stuff, exhibitions, travel, do stuff, go places, meet people and when people ask, ‘have you done anything I’d recognise?’ Be brave, say no, probably not, because that’s the not unreasonable truth, and it’s perfectly usual – I mean, if I was to ask a musician, ‘have you played with anyone famous?’ I wouldn’t think any less of their talent if they said no.
It’s hard though, impostor syndrome creeps in, uninvited when your guard is down and it can feel crushing. Sustaining a creative practice isn’t just about getting the work in either, art is an emotional endeavour, it takes a lot to make and stay connected with an artistic practice, so have a care, have a care for yourself, it comes from you, be kind to yourself, nurture the bright little shoots of artistic growth, and shoo away the impostor syndrome when it comes knocking – you are an illustrator, and anyway…’this is not your first rodeo woman!’
x
